i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
