Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
