I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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