I want to have your abortion
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
