if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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