Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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