I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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