So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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