i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
