OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
