$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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