you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
