I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
this is an emotional support booty call
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
