you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
