After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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