my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize