and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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