i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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