after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
