just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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