I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
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COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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