Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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