i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
