Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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