He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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