My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
