The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
