Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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