I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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