Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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