i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
