My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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