Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
