My nipple is on Facebook.
im holly from the hills drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
