It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
