she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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