He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
