in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
