He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
