You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
