i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
