I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
