I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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