very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize