You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Found the puke drawer
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
