you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
