I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
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Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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