Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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