I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Damn victory sex feels great
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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