Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
