Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
