wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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