Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
