My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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