is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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