oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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