Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
