Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
