I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
