is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
