i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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