I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
