I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
