this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
