she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
