she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
