pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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