you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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