I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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