The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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