there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
