I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
