you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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