I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
