if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
