I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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