how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
